i think i have had my fair share of peppermint mochas to last me a lifetime. they are my favorite. i love christmas time and i am addicted to coffee. i now get caffine headaches.

i can't wait to be on the plaza looking at lights all bundled up with one more peppermint mocha...i love the plaza. i love my brother. and i love my best friend. i love my parents. i love people who can make me laugh when i thought i didn't have it in me and i love people who understand when you just want to be silent.

sometimes i wonder...what if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about? who even wrote that?! and that makes me laugh.

why do people think being real means spilling their soul to anyone who asks? why can't it just mean being HONEST?

what about the times when you are just tired? can that be good enough?

do we always have to explain ourselves? if i don't laugh, i might cry. don't ask why.

i'm tired. today, that's good enough.

psalm 143...He IS faithful and He needs no explanation.

So the theme of my life lately has been God's pursuit of ME. and this is what I've learned:

God's love will find you. wherever you are...on the journey or nowhere near...it's not about what you do. it's about grace, so believe it.

"The love of God will hunt you down until you finally spin around in exasperation and admit how cherished you are."

....

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed

It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you've called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge

So baby don't look down, it's a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom, mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed

So baby don't believe that it's over
Maybe you can't see 'round the corner...

To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it

you're worth it....
So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

......

****

is it alright if i stay here all night, by the shoreline?

...

i cannot believe you are angry or unjust

you have done nothing but have compassion on us

so be near...when i've given up.

BE NEAR ME.

so i really HAVE come to terms with the goodness of God. the goodness in the midst of sadness, darkness, hurting, broken hearts...even in the face of Hurricane Katrina or a tsunami and the despair and damage that results...

because I have seen HOPE. and that is the goodness of God. it IS true that all we get from Him is MERCY.

but what about people who don't see it? what about people who live a life of pain and hurt only to experience more of it? man, i cannot fathom the deeper level of grace they must experience when they can learn what God's goodness is in the midst of that.

we sing hundreds of worship songs about God's goodness, but i can't  help but notice how the majority of people, including myself, do it in ABSOLUTE ignorance.

we DON'T know what it looks like to, with tears streaming down our cheeks, say God, YOU ARE GOOD. in the midst of constant sickness, hurting, pain, scandal...

show us.